Innuendo
by padfoot-is-better-than-you
Summary: Sirius terrifies James with a good old bit of innuendo. Remus helps a little, of course. Slash, oneshot. RLSB! Rated for shameless insinuation and a little smut. It's not too smutty, but you know.


**Hello, my loyal readers. Hope you're having a good day!**

**My friend Lisa and I came up with the innuendo thing a while ago after a sex-ed lesson in PE. It was good fun… **

**Review make kisses for Remus and Sirius!**

"Reeemus?" Sirius' voice broke into Remus' concentration as he tried to finish a transfiguration essay in the crowded common room.

"What do you want, Sirius?" Remus looked up, his voice an annoyed monotone.

"Can I have some of your chocolate?" The dark haired teen grinned hopefully.

"No."

"Aw, please? Just a little bit!" Sirius pulled his big, grey puppy-dogs eyes at the other boy. He was eerily good at worming food out of Remus.

"Fine. But you have to bring some for me as well."

"Yay! Thanks, Moony!" Sirius paused to give his boyfriend a hug as he ran upstairs to fish Remus' chocolate supply from under his bed.

Remus shook his head. That boy… That sexy, funny, amazingly childish yet still so mature, intelligent, sexy boy. _And he's all mine! _Remus smiled. Sirius kissing him had been the best Christmas gift he could've asked for.

"Mooony, I'm baa-aack!" Sirius planted a wet, slobbery kiss on Remus' cheek as he sat in his armchair.

"Ew! That was gross!" He wiped some imaginary saliva off his face.

"You didn't seem to be complaining last night…"

James, who had just sat down, stood back up abruptly, looking faintly green.

"Too much info there, Padfoot!" He held his hands up in front of him as if to ward off some evil. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Why Prongsie, I had no idea you were so homophobic!" Sirius clutched his chest dramatically.

"I- I'm not, it's just un-nerving when you spring it on me like that…"

"Excuse me? I wasn't springing anything on _you_. Moony, on the other hand…" Sirius cocked _(yes, cocked) _his head to one side and shrugged. Remus looked up from his essay.

"Oh, yes. Sirius is quite the springer." He winked.

"Now even Moony is torturing me! Make it stop!"

"Okay, we'll stop torturing you when you stop talking about Lily all the time."

"Riiiight…" James looked at Sirius as if he had grown an extra head.

"Ha! See? It's impossible, you've been doing it for too long. Yay! Torture!" Sirius grinned.

"You know, I once tried to impersonate you, but I couldn't get my head that far up my own ass."

"Firstly, nice! Secondly, there are so many ways I could respond to that…"

"Merlin, you have such a dirty mind!"

"You know you love it. Well, Moony does anyway."

"Ugh. I'm getting out of here. Your innuendo is disturbing."

"Hmm… Ever really sound that word out? In-you-end-oh.Wow. That is _so _my new favourite word." Sirius nodded, a rather scary smile plastered on his face. James rolled his eyes and went to sit with Peter.

"Hey, Paddie?" Remus sounded contemplating.

"Yes, Moony?" Sirius moved over to him and sat on his knee.

"Oof! What have you been eating?" He shook himself, "Anyway, you know how we're in seventh-year this year?"

"Ah, no, I forgot actually." Sirius' voice was laden with sarcasm.

"Oh, shut up you twat. Well, I was thinking. Would… would you want to live together when school finishes? Like, get a flat in London and stuff?" Remus blushed slightly.

"After you calling me a twat? Never," Sirius stuck his nose into the air, "Not unless you can persuade me otherwise."

"How's this for persuasion?" Remus grabbed the other boy by the collar and mashed their lips together roughly.

A few minutes of quite, stifled moans and rustling (_not removing, sorry)_ of clothes later, Sirius pulled away.

"Okay, you've convinced me." He grinned at Remus, who beamed in return.

"We'll be able to do this all day…" Remus nipped playfully at Sirius' earlobe.

"That is, if you can handle this. I am a deus SEX machina!"

"Nice. Real nice. And vaguely blasphemic, I think. Maybe. I have no idea, but it's sure to be offensive-" Remus stopped babbling abruptly as Sirius pulled the werewolf's lips once more to his own.

"Either way, you'll work up your stamina," He winked, causin butterflies to flutter in Remus' stomach, "And you _do_ realise that I'll have to shag you in all the rooms, don't you?"

"Yeah, I thought so. No complaints there…"

Sirius pinched Remus' cheek.

"I hoped you'd say that. I'm not the biggest fan of shagging a sleeping person. Bananas, anyone?" He grinned as the werewolf snorted. He popped another piece of chocolate into his mouth.

"It's ten thirty, now. Stop masticating so we can go to bed!"

"I beg your pardon?" sirius looked affronted.

"I said _masticating_. It means chewing, you dolt." Remus shoved the animagus off his knees and stood up. He turned and beckoned for sirius to follow him as he made his way up the stairs to the dormitory.

"Hey, wait for me!" Sirius scrambled to his feet and ran up the stairs after the tawny-haired boy.

James, watching the two boys, turned back to Peter, who was doing his homework.

"I don't think I'll be going to bed for a while." He sighed.

"Why?" Peter frowned, looking puzzled for once. _(Sarcasm!)_

"Because 'The Puppies' have just gone up there." Most of the girls in their year, and a fair few younger girls, had taken to calling Sirius and Remus 'the Puppies' because they were so cute, just like a pair of puppies.

"Oh, I get it now." The shorter boy tried to nod wisely.

"Finally…

**Scene**

"Ow! Sirius, that hurt!" Remus hissed furiously.

"Sorry. Wasn't my fault. Your bloody ribs got in the way." Sirius replied.

"You do realise tht your elbow is still there?"

"Oh… Oops." He moved his arm. Remus squeaked.

"Padfoot! Merlin, your libido is insatiable!"

"Stop talking genius and speak english, boy!" Sirius tightened his grip.

"Oh, God. I can't think when you do that. None of my blood goes to my brain." Remus' breath was starting to become ragged.

"Exactly. Now, why don't we practise our innuendo?"

"I thought we just did?" Remus sounded slightly confused.

"Ah, I was referring to the _phonetic _pronunciation…" He moved his body closer to that of the other boy.

"So was I." Remus whispered in Sirius' ear, pushing him over to his side of the bed.

"Damn."

"Will you shut up? I'm trying to sleep here, and the two of you going at it isn't helping!" Came James' voice from across the dormitory. Sirius and Remus both laughed.

"It wasn't me! Sirius had my-"

"Lalalalala! I'm not listening!"

"-in an iron grip!" Remus finished happily.

"Okay, Whatever. Just shut up and go to sleep!" James was fairly grumpy by that point in time.

"I'll be happy to, as long as Moony keep his hands off my-"

"Stop! Fine, Remus, stay away from Sirius. Sirius, you stay away from Remus! Now _sleep_!"

"Aw. Fine, Prongsie, we'll go to sleep now." Sirius grumbled.

"Nighty-night!" Remus was happy at the prospect of finally getting some sleep.

"I love you, Remus."

"Love you too, Sirius."

**Well, hopefully you liked that. **

**Ugh, I'm watching the third movie right now. Stupid retards. SIRIUS IS INNOCENT!!**

**...and in love with Remus, of course. Ahem.**

**Reviews make me squeal with happiness!! XD**


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